Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Tuesday Toss Up - The One Where I Ask Advice

Okay, this toss up is a cry for help, literally. See, I have this problem. I have a stalker. Seriously. I mean, he doesn't come to my house and peek in the windows or anything, but that's probably just because he doesn't drive.
See, he goes to this church that we sing at, which happens to be my brother's fiance's church. And he isn't right in the head. Really, he had some mental issues. Well, back at Christmas he started buying me gifts. And not normal gifts. We're talking socks (I now have a lifetime supply of men's socks, women's socks, children's socks, even diabetic socks), dog bones for my chihuahuas (except for they were the really huge bones like you give great danes or something), a cat litter pan, deoderant. All sorts of random things.
Well, he kind of scares me, so I tried to just ignore him. But now he has sent me a card telling me that we should get married, so I really think I've let this go too far. So my toss up question to you today is this,what do you say to let a mentally unstable stalker down easy?
And I'm being serious here!! I need advice. All comments are appreciated!!

**Updated to add: Okay, so I think I left out some important details. First, he doesn't mail these gifts to me. He sends them through my brother, who is at the church quite often due to the fact that his fiance goes there, and her father is the pastor. So he doesn't have my address (Thank Goodness!)
Second, he isn't a friend of mine, he just seems to have fixated on me, for some reason unknown to myself. I guess his obsession progressed when he started seeing my brother more so he thought that through my brother he could "woo" me (Yeah, nothing says I love you like a pair of diabetic socks.)
Third, he has made comments around me like, "If you don't behave I'll give you spank spank." These comments make me feel VERY awkward around him. I'm seriously trying to treat him as nicely as I can especially since he is mentally challenged, but it's gone too far.
I believe I'm going to have his pastor talk to him. The first reason being that I believe his pastor will be the one who understands him best. The second being that he only has a sister, and she is challenged as well. So I believe that is the best route to go! Thanks for your opinions!!


Susan said...

Oh My Gosh girl. I have no idea!! That would CREEP me out!

Is he by himself? Does he have parents or friends? Maybe you could try talking to those people about how you feel and see where that goes?

aggiejenn said...

I would definitely limit ALL contact with this person. Even if it feels like you're "snubbing" him. Sometimes guys get the wrong idea when single girls are friendly to them, and especially so if they don't have rational thinking skills. Don't accept any more gifts from him. Period. That is probably giving him the wrong idea. You have to be very careful about the attention you give to him even by having a conversation and/or accepting gifts. I might consider having someone close to him go talk to him like Susan said. Apparently ignoring him isn't really working. But, seriously, be careful.

Peggy said...

Being mentally challenged he doesn't understand he is freaking you out. Before totally turning your back on him which he wouldn't understand after your being friends with him till now, try talking to him. Tell him you really like him like a brother and brother and sisters don't marry. Thank him for the gifts but tell him next time he wants to buy you something to use the money instead to buy a toy for the church nursery or give the money to the church. Tell him that would make you happier than any gift he could buy you. Mentally challenged people don't mean to scare anyone. They are very loving people and just want others to love them. Yes there are a few that are harmful to themselves or others but your friend doesn't sound like that kind. I would try talking to him first and then to his guardian if that doesn't work.

whispers of the morning said...

I like what Peggy said, then if that didn't work, I'd stop all contact with him. You don't want to hurt his feelings but if this starts to freak you out then something has got to be done.

Oh and when you talk to him I would suggest someone being there with you when you talk to him. That's just my thoughts!

GiBee said...

Okay... first of all, I must appologize, because I am laughing hysterically at how you wrote this... "And he isn't right in the head." Oh my goodness, just re-reading that sends me in a fit of giggles.

Okay seriously now ... I totally understand how you feel. Creeped out. So, have you tried talking this over with HIS Pastor-dude? Because something needs to be done immediately ... simply to protect you.

If he's not "right in the head" (laughing again, sorry!) then he may totally be under his own distorted view of what's appropriate vs. what's NOT.

Including his Pastor might be a way to let him down easily.

Or you could mail him back a reply thanking him for all his gifts and wedding proposal, but that you can not accept at this time, because you are going off to a budhist colony, and they won't allow you to get married... plus, you won't be as cute once you shave your head, so he may not find that attractive. Know what I mean?

GiBee said...

Hey -- How'd he get your address?

GiBee said...

So, obviously, Peggy had a very rational and well thought out, as well as SENSITIVE / COMPASSIONATE response.

Sorry if mine came across as insensitive! It did to me when I re-read it... Although I was totally serious about taking his Pastor with you when you talk to him. Don't put yourself in a situation where you find yourself alone ... whether he's mentally challenged or not.

See? Always talking before thinking. Or in this case, typing, hitting post, and then thinking.

Susan said...

"I'll give you a spank spank"...I am so sorry but I cracked up at that one

aggiejenn said...

ok, seriously, Peggy's answer was WAY better than mine, and, well, GiBee's suggestion about the Buddhist colony just made me laugh. And, I know the "spank spank" freaks you out, so don't think I'm being insensitive, but that is really funny. I'm sorry. Ok, so take Peggy's advice. That's all I wanted to say!

Oreo said...

You could put the bite onhim...that's what I would do! Oh, momma says humans can't do that. Oh well. We don't know what to tell you then except maybe talk to his parents, they may know better how to deal with him. Momma says you can send her the diabetic socks, she's been needing to get some anyway cause she has edema in her ankle from the accident.